December 28, 2013

Live to impress

Hi! It's Saturday night, and unlike any other teenagers in my city, I just spend tonight (like any other night tbh) sitting at home staring into my laptop for dear life because that's literally the only thing I can do now. Because I'm ill. Three days going out with mom to random malls, I got sore throat, head ache, and flu. It feels winter for me because I keep freezing and my feet are damn cold :$ I wasn't going to post anything until new year because I don't like writing rubbish and tbh my ramblings are as bad as my life but I have no one to talk to because... I'm lonely. Yeah, sure I'm surrounded with my family and friends but recently I feel like I'm losing my sense of social. I feel so alienated.

I don't know is it me or is it them or is it the world that has problem but it seems like friendship issue will be my next best friend. Speaking of "friendship", I had a very terrible experience with making friends years ago when I was still studying in elementary school. I was so easily fooled and betrayed by many of my friends (yes, people, betrayal existed since long ago in my life) and thus I lived my life to impress other people. Because I was afraid that no one would want me as their friend. Which apparently, it was the truth. But as the time goes by, I learned and I changed myself. Much to my dad's words that I can't be an introverted person because that's a negative behavior. And so I changed, into a better person. I open myself to the world, not caring if I would get hurt or betrayed. My life slowly turning brighter and more cheerful because now I'm not that awkward anymore to start a conversation and people remember me.

But as I changed, people too. And in this case, my best friends. This is probably why I was so introvert back then. I'm possessive with what's mine, not only my stuffs but also my friends. When I see my best friend hanging out with a stranger, I feel so jealous. Because I wonder why wouldn't they spend their time for me? I have a very few best friends and mostly we share the same interests—that's what brought us together as a best friend at the first place. So I hope that we can hang out together spending time doing our stuffs together. Then this oh-so-called jealousy feeling comes over me when I see them happy with people I don't know. I suddenly feel left out and dumped >< It's rather unfair for me when I can't have fun without sparing a single second thinking about my best friends, wondering what they're doing now and at least, still showing them that things won't be fun without them. But it doesn't seem like it for my best friends. So the conclusion is, I think I'm the only one who actually has no friend. When I think and worry about them, they don't do that for me. Not that I want some repay, I just want to feel what is it like to be worried by my friends, having me flashing through their mind even for a second.

After all these years I tried to change myself, now I'm back to the old me. Live to impress. Simply because I'm so scared that they would leave me out here :'( No matter how many times I wanna walk away from them to find my own happiness with someone else, there's something in me that keeps telling me that they will soon notice my effort and respect me. The question is, will they?

Until next post and happy -soon- new year! xx

December 26, 2013

Winter festive

We're in the middle of holiday already, and soon pretty things are going to end by a few days #booo :( And by that I mean school and tasks and homeworks and tests gosh. Oh well, how are you guys spending the holiday? ^^ Christmas has been one of my favourite holiday though I don't celebrate it, possibly because it's in the same time with new year? I've been just sitting around doing nothing. I enjoy watching movies and cartoons in my bedroom while listening to the sound of the rain falling softly to the ground. Yep, it's still rainy season here and it's madly raining every afternoon or evenings. New year and rain never work well together, but I love both so let's just enjoy what I have here.

I've told you before how my mom is getting addicted to making lots of Asian cuisine now. So this would be more likely my christmas (and new year...) foods. She always make lots of them >< At first I was anticipating this because it's rare for me and my family to actually enjoy sushi and its friends. But then it's like everyday is nothing without sushi and sushi... :| They all taste good tho! If it wasn't for the sake of mom's new business I guess she wouldn't dare to make all of these. Don't know whether I should be thankful or not for that lol.

Anyways, I'll be posting very soon for the report of my new year celebration. So stay tuned! xx

December 17, 2013

Beach Happiness

Beach Happiness

I really don't know why suddenly I made this set. It's freaking winter—and wet season in my country. So why? Well, few days ago I helped out my friend to pick her the right outfit idea for her yearbook photoshoot. That's the good part about living in a country that only has two seasons all year. You get to play at the beach for anytime you like, the cold won't bother you. The only thing we still care is the thunder, blizzard, and too heavy rain. I totally felt like a stylist when I helped her, ha! This isn't purely 100% my idea, all the pieces are merely what she already picked since the beginning, I just made a set for her to make sure that she wasn't going to forget even the tiny details. What do you think?

December 15, 2013


Eating // I've been eating a lot of sushis and other Japanese snacks because my mom just started a little business with her friend in this field. Me being the goddess of eat-too-often has the job to make sure that every foods that made, tastes delicious. Thus I only eat onigiri and sushi for the past few weeks at home because mom's so worked up on that and that's like the only thing she does on free time. I just hope that consuming raw fish and seaweed this often will at least makes good impact on my brain, not the other way around.

Writing // I'm still trying to gather the scattered pieces of my story ideas for Aren't laws made to be broken which foreword had been up on AFF since like, probably months ago. It's really hard to find the perfect time to write the first chapter ugh. Well I decided to just make it short into 3 chapters so I wanna make sure I write good and beta-read it before it gets published. And it's really new to me writing Kaisoo fanfic. If this isn't for hyung's birthday promise I wouldn't do it because this story was formerly about Taoris. Mianhae.

Listening to // I am so overwhelmed by the christmas spirit—I always am! Eventhough I don't celebrate christmas but I love the atmosphere, all warm and cheerful. Aside from crazy sales happening at malls, the thing I love from christmas would be the songs singers come up with. I didn't expect EXO to make a christmas album because they just finished doing promotion for Growl album and now, I can't stop listening to Miracles in December. Seriously I just wanna tear myself apart because this song sounds so sad despite of telling us how magical christmas is T^T Uh, thank's a lot EXO, really.

Watching // Some Korean variety shows. EXO Showtime! and Running Man are on top of my list. Well I've told you guys numerous time that I don't really watch TV and rather spend my time surfing the net.

Thinking about // What major I'm gonna take in uni. Haha yeah the topic is still bugging me and I haven't really decided which faculty I want to take, everything seems to be interesting suddenly! ><

Looking forward to // THIS YEAR'S NEW YEAR EVE. Because it's gonna be my first time spending new year with my loved one ;) I hope everything's going to be good and I hope our plan will go smoothly! *fingers crossed*

Post inspired by her, I made this post via her.

December 10, 2013

Music makes one

Wow it's already December! Haha, too late? Uh, I've been very busy with school and all. Homeworks, exams, tasks, school seems like a very horror place despite of me going to that damned place everyday. I think I won't be able to do a review of 2013 here on the blog. I did for 2012 and it was when I still had my long holiday. Holiday this year won't be the same because, well, I still have to study even on holidays :| Suck huh?

Me lookin like a boss teaching Ditha the right tune to sing Story of My Life haha!

But anyway, I was having a super fun recording for my music task last Saturday. Went straight to Rizfan's house since his place is completed with music studio. So my teacher asks the students to be able to sing and play instrument. Being a quite jerky music teacher she is, she decided to turn up the challenge by making us both do the singing and playing the instrument at the same time... I was going to sing accompanied by a friend for the instrument part but then I decided to just keep going and finally I successfully played the piano, covering Open Arms from Boyz II Men. This won't happen smoothly if my xiao didi didn't bother to help! >< Isn't he such a sweetheart?

Wanna hear the good part? He plays both piano and guitar like a master which he is

So the reason why I picked Open Arms is because it's a very easy song to play. At least for an amateur in piano like me. I was hating this music task at first because I don't like singing. I prefer to just play the instrument rather than singing or doing both at the same time. I can barely divide my focus yo. But I'm starting to thank my teacher because this task has brought back my sense of music alive. I'm now browsing the YT for some more piano tutorial ^^ The video is, unfortunately too big for me to upload. But I guess I'll do another recording for the cover, just for fun because you guys gotta see how I play it haha!

Until next time, xoxo