December 28, 2013

Live to impress

Hi! It's Saturday night, and unlike any other teenagers in my city, I just spend tonight (like any other night tbh) sitting at home staring into my laptop for dear life because that's literally the only thing I can do now. Because I'm ill. Three days going out with mom to random malls, I got sore throat, head ache, and flu. It feels winter for me because I keep freezing and my feet are damn cold :$ I wasn't going to post anything until new year because I don't like writing rubbish and tbh my ramblings are as bad as my life but I have no one to talk to because... I'm lonely. Yeah, sure I'm surrounded with my family and friends but recently I feel like I'm losing my sense of social. I feel so alienated.

I don't know is it me or is it them or is it the world that has problem but it seems like friendship issue will be my next best friend. Speaking of "friendship", I had a very terrible experience with making friends years ago when I was still studying in elementary school. I was so easily fooled and betrayed by many of my friends (yes, people, betrayal existed since long ago in my life) and thus I lived my life to impress other people. Because I was afraid that no one would want me as their friend. Which apparently, it was the truth. But as the time goes by, I learned and I changed myself. Much to my dad's words that I can't be an introverted person because that's a negative behavior. And so I changed, into a better person. I open myself to the world, not caring if I would get hurt or betrayed. My life slowly turning brighter and more cheerful because now I'm not that awkward anymore to start a conversation and people remember me.

But as I changed, people too. And in this case, my best friends. This is probably why I was so introvert back then. I'm possessive with what's mine, not only my stuffs but also my friends. When I see my best friend hanging out with a stranger, I feel so jealous. Because I wonder why wouldn't they spend their time for me? I have a very few best friends and mostly we share the same interests—that's what brought us together as a best friend at the first place. So I hope that we can hang out together spending time doing our stuffs together. Then this oh-so-called jealousy feeling comes over me when I see them happy with people I don't know. I suddenly feel left out and dumped >< It's rather unfair for me when I can't have fun without sparing a single second thinking about my best friends, wondering what they're doing now and at least, still showing them that things won't be fun without them. But it doesn't seem like it for my best friends. So the conclusion is, I think I'm the only one who actually has no friend. When I think and worry about them, they don't do that for me. Not that I want some repay, I just want to feel what is it like to be worried by my friends, having me flashing through their mind even for a second.

After all these years I tried to change myself, now I'm back to the old me. Live to impress. Simply because I'm so scared that they would leave me out here :'( No matter how many times I wanna walk away from them to find my own happiness with someone else, there's something in me that keeps telling me that they will soon notice my effort and respect me. The question is, will they?

Until next post and happy -soon- new year! xx

December 26, 2013

Winter festive

We're in the middle of holiday already, and soon pretty things are going to end by a few days #booo :( And by that I mean school and tasks and homeworks and tests gosh. Oh well, how are you guys spending the holiday? ^^ Christmas has been one of my favourite holiday though I don't celebrate it, possibly because it's in the same time with new year? I've been just sitting around doing nothing. I enjoy watching movies and cartoons in my bedroom while listening to the sound of the rain falling softly to the ground. Yep, it's still rainy season here and it's madly raining every afternoon or evenings. New year and rain never work well together, but I love both so let's just enjoy what I have here.

I've told you before how my mom is getting addicted to making lots of Asian cuisine now. So this would be more likely my christmas (and new year...) foods. She always make lots of them >< At first I was anticipating this because it's rare for me and my family to actually enjoy sushi and its friends. But then it's like everyday is nothing without sushi and sushi... :| They all taste good tho! If it wasn't for the sake of mom's new business I guess she wouldn't dare to make all of these. Don't know whether I should be thankful or not for that lol.

Anyways, I'll be posting very soon for the report of my new year celebration. So stay tuned! xx

December 17, 2013

Beach Happiness

Beach Happiness

I really don't know why suddenly I made this set. It's freaking winter—and wet season in my country. So why? Well, few days ago I helped out my friend to pick her the right outfit idea for her yearbook photoshoot. That's the good part about living in a country that only has two seasons all year. You get to play at the beach for anytime you like, the cold won't bother you. The only thing we still care is the thunder, blizzard, and too heavy rain. I totally felt like a stylist when I helped her, ha! This isn't purely 100% my idea, all the pieces are merely what she already picked since the beginning, I just made a set for her to make sure that she wasn't going to forget even the tiny details. What do you think?

December 16, 2013


Wow duh I can finally make one proper post for this month, yay! Who's happy? :D So I have finished all my final exams and it's time to enjoy the christmas and new year holiday that is coming around the corner—it's starting next week woohoo! And yesterday me and my class had our yearbook photoshoot did at my xiao didi's house. Our yearbook theme is movie covers. All of us had to dress up and pose just like how actress and actors do on movie covers we've picked. I myself portrayed Maudy Ayunda from Perahu Kertas 2 ;D It was so much fun! I got to see my friends dress up in colourful dresses, learn how to do our make-up alone, and I felt that our bond is getting stronger ^^ I was afraid that we won't work the photoshoot together because uhhh, I didn't think we were that close as classmates. But then when we took photos together I realized that we are already solid in a very short period >< God I love you guys!

Michael's too tired to pose for anything, he ended up lying like a dead man

A little selca before the photo session started

The host a. k. a. my xiao didi. God, stop embarassing me please...

God I'll be punished for taking such scandalous pic ><

Don't you think she looks like doll? With peachy round cheeks, I can pinch those all day!

What I love from photoshoots is the wardrobes. I was so fascinated by my friends because they were all so beautiful and handsome (see, I'm being honest this time!). I never realized they could be this cool haha. That girl above in salmon pink dress was portraying someone from the movie La Tanza and I swear when she had her ponytail she looked like that character from the game Final Fantasy >< Ditha was on the same scene as me we were both portraying the cover for Perahu Kertas 2. Gotta say she looked totally the same with Elyzia ;D Oh and, you all know how I have keen interest with shoes. Too many beautiful shoes worn yesterday and I couldn't help not to take pictures of them~

This is what I wore yesterday, a birthday gift from Jakuen! So comfy~

Okay Rafah, we've seen enough

This is literally my best shot of the day...

The only thing I'm still sad about is that I'll always have less photos than the others at events like this. Simply because no one really takes my photos :( I love taking photos no matter who that person is even if we're enemies. I just love taking their pictures. When one of my friend brings a camera, they end up (mostly) taking selcas with only their close friends. I prioritize my whole class because it's important to have all of them in my camera. Sure I can ask other people to take my photos but some of my friends (or should I say, all of them?) are very blind with DSLRs. That's why sometimes my photos are blurred out or misfocused ._. I have my very own style when I take portraits. As you can see, they're fine. But everyone can't really follow my beat and they don't seem to have the sense to make things balance in the photo. Well, that's most likely what happen to me all the time, sigh.

But thank's for yesterday, FISCALs! Let's do it again sometimes soon! xx


December 15, 2013


Eating // I've been eating a lot of sushis and other Japanese snacks because my mom just started a little business with her friend in this field. Me being the goddess of eat-too-often has the job to make sure that every foods that made, tastes delicious. Thus I only eat onigiri and sushi for the past few weeks at home because mom's so worked up on that and that's like the only thing she does on free time. I just hope that consuming raw fish and seaweed this often will at least makes good impact on my brain, not the other way around.

Writing // I'm still trying to gather the scattered pieces of my story ideas for Aren't laws made to be broken which foreword had been up on AFF since like, probably months ago. It's really hard to find the perfect time to write the first chapter ugh. Well I decided to just make it short into 3 chapters so I wanna make sure I write good and beta-read it before it gets published. And it's really new to me writing Kaisoo fanfic. If this isn't for hyung's birthday promise I wouldn't do it because this story was formerly about Taoris. Mianhae.

Listening to // I am so overwhelmed by the christmas spirit—I always am! Eventhough I don't celebrate christmas but I love the atmosphere, all warm and cheerful. Aside from crazy sales happening at malls, the thing I love from christmas would be the songs singers come up with. I didn't expect EXO to make a christmas album because they just finished doing promotion for Growl album and now, I can't stop listening to Miracles in December. Seriously I just wanna tear myself apart because this song sounds so sad despite of telling us how magical christmas is T^T Uh, thank's a lot EXO, really.

Watching // Some Korean variety shows. EXO Showtime! and Running Man are on top of my list. Well I've told you guys numerous time that I don't really watch TV and rather spend my time surfing the net.

Thinking about // What major I'm gonna take in uni. Haha yeah the topic is still bugging me and I haven't really decided which faculty I want to take, everything seems to be interesting suddenly! ><

Looking forward to // THIS YEAR'S NEW YEAR EVE. Because it's gonna be my first time spending new year with my loved one ;) I hope everything's going to be good and I hope our plan will go smoothly! *fingers crossed*

Post inspired by her, I made this post via her.