February 27, 2015


LUI leather jacket, H&M black tank, Nevada pants, ICONinety9 boots

I honestly have so many things going on in my head right now, and I really want to write them all here in this blog post but nothing would come out... But let me try. So yesterday I went to a theater play with my college friends because we got invited, and since most of the seniors couldn't come, a friend of mine asked me if I would go with him as a representative for the seniors. Since I got nothing to do, I said yes and asked him if he could pick me up later. He was hesitate at first because... uh, there's this friend of him (and mine) who has a deep crush on me. And he was afraid if this friend of ours got jealous and mad at him because we were going together. I rolled my eyes so hard at that because first, I'm not anyone's girlfriend, thus any kind of jealousy will be considered as a selfish and childish behavior. Second, we didn't go just by the two of us literally because my ex-crush and another friend of ours also came so there was really no reason for him to be jealous. Third, my relationship with my friend who picked me up yesterday is just as a friend. Though I had something for him in the past but we've come to an agreement that we better off as a best friend instead. I was so tired with all these love thingy. I need to take a break from this guy, but that's almost impossible to be done because he seems to be following me in almost all of my activities; watching theater play for example. Or eating out with the boys. He'd always be there. And start blabbering about his feelings. Which in other words, alluding me in front of our friends.

I know this sounds confusing, and I shouldn't be writing this on the internet. I doubt anyone would read the post though, ha. But I really need someone to talk to. I try to talk this out to my friend but they're having this society problem where they listen to speak. And most of them give me the advice I don't need. Really, at this rate of time, I just want someone to listen to me. So I'm sorry if I become quite wordy in this post. I need to let this out.

Just like Kryz Uy on her '20 things you don't know about me' post, I'm also in a group where I'm the only chick in it. And they've grown comfortable around me to the state where they don't consider me as girl anymore, but more like a boy because I talk and act like them. That's not the main problem. It becomes a problem when one of them falls for me and I fall for the other one, still in the same circle, all at the same time. It's a love triangle. And this guy who falls for me, can't seem to hold his horses because I feel so uncomfortable with him. Yet he still presses on and thinks that he's doing his best to please me. Shoot, dude, I should have made it clearer for you that I'm into your friend and not in a million years we're gonna get together. Ever. And I thought I did, but he still isn't backing off. I'm running out of ideas of how to get rid of him. The only logical way for this shit is to see how things are going. Because I'm totally not interested to think about being in a relationship for now.

Sorry for the ramble! Once again, I told you I can be quite a wordy type. After all, this is a personal blog. So things like this is not so alien to you, right, dear readers? Anyway, this is the outfit that I wore to watch the theater play. Minus the boots because I exchanged it with my brown wedges since I thought it would be easier to walk around with the boys not in heeled boots. In case I had to chase them for something else. I don't know... Oh and the leather jacket is a new in. Just got it few days ago in my mail from LUI, an online shop owned by my college friend. I was so stoked when I first saw it because I didn't know it was a leather jacket LMAO the picture didn't make me think so. I thought it was a mere blazer! It's a really good deal because I got the jacket for 110K only. Major love!

February 24, 2015

Sweater weather

MIOS sweater, Airwalk shoes, unbranded pants, Eternal Girl necklace

Rainy days. What do you guys do when it comes to rainy days? I bet the answers will be the same to mine; snuggling into my blanket, listening to slow music all day, having warm drink, or simply read a good book. But do you really do that? Or you just sleep the rain away? ;D Rain helps me sleep easier, that's why I feel happy when it rains during my bed time because thus I will sleep faster. If the rain falls during day time where the sun is still shining, I will go out and sit in front of my room just to take in all the petrichor. What is petrichor, you ask?



A pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather.

I remember I was changing my profile picture with this one, and I was quite butt-hurt to read the comment made by my senior. Nothing personal, actually. And she was referring to no one. But she was cheering on me to get thinner. Well, surprise surprise, I have no intention to tone down my size again. Not now, not in the near future. I mean, I love my body, whatever the size is. Years I have lived this life and my size has always been the same. And somehow I don't see a problem for being in this size. Sure, there are days where I feel insecure because my upper arms look really big in photos or where my upper thighs are so huge like they're pieces of watermelons (like in these ones). But for toning down my size and be thin...? I guess that's where you go wrong about me. I have come to the state where I'm comfortable with my body. Whatever the shape and the size is. Still, I do sports and eat less carbs for the sake of my health. My father has a diabetes, and we all know that I have bigger chance to inherit the disease compared to my brothers. So no, I don't want to be skinny or thinner if it's for the society. Anything I do should be done because I love myself.

Let me tell you something, the sweater isn't rightfully mine. LOL. Yes, if you're a long-time reader of mine, you must have known that I love stealing my friends' clothes and wear them around! This time though, my best friend, Tara, lent me her father's super big-sized sweater to me because my blanket was being washed and I had to wait until a few days before it got returned. And because Jogja's weather is being unpredictable, I need something to keep me warm at night. It really feels cold and you can feel the sudden decreasing of temperature on the evening.

February 22, 2015

When it's good hair day, take pictures

Good hair day. Happy Sunday, everyone!

Nyonya Nyonya

Ever since I joined Sanggar, my love for theater grew fonder than ever. Especially because I was given the chance to play once on the stage to experience how it feels to become someone that we're not. But since I have quite a terrible stage fever, most of the time I back away from the offers to play for once again. I love working at the backstage. Even though I know nothing beats the sensational feelings of acting on the stage. I remember working under the same production with this man. It was our first ever theater, and now that he just had another successful play, makes me jealous because he has improved, a lot! I wonder where did he get all the guts to play for another script. It was so amazing, the story and all the actors, very well-played. Congratulation bae for the amazing play, I'm such a proud friend! x

This is Gabuters (aka Scum Loud). A small peer group led by Eri (the huge man at the center back) who has too much free time LOL, consists of Oscar, Eri himself, Dharma, Aldo, me, and Caesar. There's supposed to be one more girl, Keiy but she couldn't make it last night because of something else. Gabuters don't really have anything to do, and we hang out a lot spending our parents' money just to explore the city of Jogja, ha! But it's always worth it to spend my time with them. I get to know a lot of cool places thank's to Eri's amazing leadership. Even if he doesn't really lead us because really, we just randomly go anywhere.

Avocado coffee @ Ruang Cafe

February 19, 2015

Let's kill the basic

I got an email asking me what kind of shoes I wear to classes. And these all my main weapons to kill the negative vibes every single day at campus. Being a law student has its own perks. We're known for our liberality of strutting down the road in style. I don't know where do we get that but at least my friend from another faculty sees us that way. She's always amazed by how law students dress up everyday, unlike the girls in her faculty. Not that I'm one of those fashionista clique but I do admit it that most of the girls here are fashion-conscious. Especially the post-graduate students. I have 12 shoes in total, but the ones I bring to Jogja are only eight because I can't bring them all in my luggage. So there you go! You see that we don't really wear sneakers every single time. It's okay to wear wedges or heeled boots to classes, as long as you're not wearing sandals.

Bad blood

 Vintage dress, unbranded tights, ICONinety9 shoes

Days are getting more blurry. Yesterday's uneasy feeling had just found out its answer. And now I'm feeling much worse than ever. The feeling of being forgotten and rejected... Today my friend suddenly came to the guest house, after asking me whether I had already eaten or not. I told him I haven't, and somehow I had a feeling he was gonna pop up in front of my door to take me out to have lunch together. By then, I would have refused him because I don't like going out with him. When I was about to go out by myself, he suddenly came and handed me a take away food. I was ready to snap at him, before he suddenly confessed to me that he likes me. He insisted me to take the food, and I believe my friends would melt out of jealousy. And I was pretty impressed because I never had anyone being so sweet like this to me.

But I rejected him. I have rejected him since a long time ago. He had confessed his feelings to me for the third time now. And still, my mind hasn't changed. I don't know why. Most girls would say yes after receiving the affection and sickeningly-sweet treatment he has given to me. But I still don't feel anything for him. He's just a friend, and I feel bad for making him falling for me without making sure to him that I'd catch him. Which kind of reminds me with myself because I'm still in love with someone else, another friend of ours and my ex-crush, and I haven't moved on. If anything, my love for my ex-crush is getting deeper than ever.

The dress is a vintage one I got from mom. I wish it were longer so it would fall right a bit above my knees. It's too short to be considered as a dress. And I gotta tell you that I had a confusing time putting that blouse on. It's the same way how you put on a kimono. Gotta tie this and that with some additions of buttons to secure it. The material wraps my entire body really well and creates a nice shape out of this fat seal LOL. You have to see this dress in real life and its beauty.

It's raining outside, so I guess I'll leave you guys with this post today and go back to bed! x

February 18, 2015

Whispering shadow

 PSY blazer, H&M tank, Nevada pants, ICONinety9 shoes

I love taking online personality tests on some websites. Do you? My last three test's results say that I'm an ENFP. And I should say that the description does describe me. It says that I'm an intuitive person rather than an observant one. True, because I always have this intuition and feelings when I'm about to do something, or when I feel like something's not right. I guess that's because I'm a woman. I believe most of us rely a lot on our feelings, no? And today, I somehow feel like something bad is about to happen. Something really really terrible is making its way into my life and I'm starting to feel uneasy. It actually comes from my friends because they seem like hiding something from me. Well, not just me. It's like they're making some other circle of discussion where not everyone is included and they're starting to irk me with the signs of dirty secrets they share only in their clique. I don't know why but this is bugging me. Does this have something to do with my rely-a-lot-on-intuition self? How do you handle this kind of situation?

I'm starting to mix and match clothes based on their color palette, and even though I'm still an amateur in this whole mix-matching, I guess I'm doing a good progress? I don't know, you tell me. Last time I did a white-cream-orange combination and now I'm in a monochrome look. So this is why people are so in love with fashion because they can play with the entire elements to their likings. This is my go-to-campus look, or let's just say, my kind of #ootd. The blazer comes from an online shop owned by my friend, I fell in love with it at the first sight soooo if you're looking for something new to wear, maybe you'd like to check out PSY on Instagram and start shopping! ;)

'Till then, have a nice day, and happy Chinese new year! x

February 15, 2015

What time is it?

Unbranded top and skirt | ICONINETY9 shoes | QUARTZ watch

Hi guys! First of all, I owe you all apologies because somehow, I lost track of blogging since I went back home to have my holiday. I'm really sorry for that. As you might have seen through my Instagram that I've been really busy preparing for new semester in college and the tickets to go back to Jogja. I couldn't lay my hands on the blog because the internet was off for a week! I could barely keep track of my college's information, let alone updating the blog. So that's why.

So today I just arrived in Jogja, around four in the morning, I guess. And headed straight to the guest house to settle my stuffs because college starts tomorrow, ugh. I wish I had more time to get some rest because really, so many things I have to deal with. Even when I'm working with this blog post right now, my head is divided into some other rooms because fucking college needs attention as well. I'm doing some major changing in my life because I know I didn't do good enough on my first semester in college. Such a waste of time, I should say. And I know by the look at my parents' faces that they're pretty disappointed with me as well. But I think it's okay to fail at some subjects because that way I'll be able to discover my weakness and which one I have to work harder on. Right? So that's the biggest reason why I haven't updated the blog in such a long time. Fuck blogging routines, I have life to live here, ha.

Wait, I was about to talk about Valentine's Day. It's not like I have someone to celebrate with, LOL. It's my 19th V-Day and yet here I am still lounging in the darkest corner of my bedroom. My parents start asking me if I already have a boyfriend or not and I tell them I haven't found the one. I'm not rushing anything but really, I have no experience in this. I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to attract anyone :c Love is probably never meant to fit in my life. The last time I tried to make it fit in, it destroyed my life, literally. I lost myself in the process and the scar of being left was too deep. I was traumatized. And finally, 19 years of living as a hopeless romantic, I could finally know how it feels to have my heart broken. It was an open relationship, no status at all. I thought it didn't matter anyway because what's important was that we'd be there for each other.

But I guess that's where I went wrong.

I told my mom I was searching for a black skater skirt. So when I got home, I dragged her down to accompany me to the mall searching for it. Too bad that I missed it out because I saw this black skirt the other day when I was going out with my friends but I didn't bring my money back then. When I got back with mom to bring it home, it was sold out already. So I ended up with the orange skirt instead. We hopped on to the next shop and mom found a matching top to be paired with the skirt. This floral chiffon shirt totally caught our eyes (or well, mom's eagle eyes).

Also not forgetting the little accessories to accompany me while going through the day. If you know me in real life, you know that I love wearing watches, a hella lot. Not just because it makes the entire look ensemble looks more darling, but also because its own main function. I hate having to check my phone to see what time is it when I forgot to wear my watches. It's becoming a regular thing for me to check my wrist and it feels weird not having my watches wrapped around. That's why I was so happy to find Invaluable.com. I can browse so many kinds of watches in my favorite colors and size! Psst, I have a secret of wearing men's watches because small size just doesn't fit my style. Men's watches have much bigger size and they make the entire look looks bold and edgy. I have quite a number of watches in different colors because I love matching them with my outfit color palette. Here are my favorite two among all of those shiny sparkly men's watches:


I loovveeee Rolex! Might consider saving up more to have one of these two for my upcoming birthday present. My parents also have Rolex and they're big fans of the brand itself. Rolex is so classic and luxurious-looking, who can resist its mega-charm? ;) So how about you? What's your favorite accessories and how do you wear it? :)

PS: Yeah, I just had my hair cut last holiday. Been a year since I had front bangs. What do you think?