July 07, 2015

Even angels fall

Have you ever thought the life you're living right now isn't the life that you've always wanted?

Or, or have you ever felt like you're taking the wrong steps in your life?

Because I am feeling it right now. I feel like I didn't make the right choice. I don't like making choices. I think too much when I have to choose about what I'm going to do in my life. I'm never ready with the consequences that follow. You know, I have always known as one of the brightest student in high school. I made lots of achievements inside and outside the school. I have the coolest friends because they have the brightest academic records. The teachers know me and are very supportive with me because I have always been the good student. I had some subjects that I used to hate, but still had to get good score at it because school was like that. Otherwise my parents would ban me from doing extracurricular activity or spazzing over Korean boybands or going to concerts and even doing my hobbies, like writing and drawing comics. So I had to get good score on the least subject I liked. The thing is, I did great. Even though I hated the process because I didn't like the subject, I still managed to go through it all because I simply had to.

Fast forward to one year later, I'm in university now, living my life as law-majored student. And turns out there are just so many things I don't like here. I mean the subject I'm studying. Then why did I choose law as my major? I wanted to see if I could make my childhood dream came true. Because of this dream of studying law, my life has always been in control. The steps I took all the way before university, all of them were only so I could get into this major. Of course I have a plan once I graduate; to be an ambassador. But I grow up and find that my passion truly revolves around art. I love being a performer. I love dancing, I love playing theater, I love working with artsy people. My life in college is far from the typical law school student. I can't even see myself being one of those students who come up to join the debate competition held each year. Years ago, maybe I could. But now? I feel like I'm an outcast.

I'm having a hard time studying something that I just realized I had so little passion on. I can't turn back time and applying to another university is out of my choice because I ain't gonna spend another year becoming a freshman. Not when I have parents who demand me to quickly finish my education so I can get a decent job. So the only choice left is to cope up with all this mess I've pulled myself in and graduate as fast as I can. Still, I can't seem to find the right studying method. My grades aren't amazing. And most of the time I get Cs on every subjects. Bs if I worked myself harder and with the help of luck, A. But that's very rare. Whoever says studying law in Indonesia is an easy thing, pretty sure they don't know what it feels like to be one.

I am so tired of picturing how different my life would be if I took a different path.

Would it be beautiful?

Would I be happy?

July 03, 2015

What to watch: The Imitation Game

Maybe it's just me or it happens to you guys as well, but I have loved reading biographies of famous people in the form of a comic book. Einstein, H. C. Andersen, Edison, Isaac Newton, you name it! So when movies like The Imitation Game suddenly appeared in the cinemas, I wouldn't think twice to watch it. Sadly, when it first appeared, I was so busy with college and had no time to go to the cinema. Only few days ago when I stayed over at Eri's house I watched this movie and honestly saying... it made me go so emotional. I can't stop frowning through the film. And when I told you I went so emotional, believe me I did. I cried hard until the end of the movie. Maybe it's the music. But one thing for sure I cry over the fact that Alan Turing took his own life at such young age because he couldn't stand the hormonal therapy given by the government. Such loss could have been prevented if homosexual weren't considered a criminal. Even though now UK has legalized gay marriage since 2013 and has granted royal pardon to Turing, I might as well agree to what Benedict has to say about it; it's too little too late. Imagine if Turing didn't commit suicide, things would have been a little bit different I believe.

I always have a thing for English movies because just like any other people out there, I fall in love with their accent. Though there are times I don't understand what they're saying in the movies and that I still need subtitles (in English, of course) to fully understand the movie, but I have learned to listen carefully and enjoy the movie better. So you can tell how excited I am when I know the setting in this movie took place in England. I totally hypnotized by Benedict Cumberbatch's acting. He can pull off the image of Alan Turing really well. In the end of the movie, he makes me cry a river when he says he doesn't want to be lonely and that he prefers to take the hormonal therapy than be imprisoned for two years and be separated from Christopher, the machine he made to break Enigma's code. I'm so glad this movie doesn't turn its objectives into a romance movie. It sticks to its original plot.

I never get bored re-watching this movie over and over again. Definitely 9.5/10.