Sometimes I wish I was a busier girl.
With a very tight schedule and packed day, jumping from one activity to the other like a rabbit. Without having any time to rest at all. Not even to check on my phone except for some important calls and work-related notification. I wish I was colder. I wish I didn't have much spare time, so I couldn't rest and let my thoughts to wander off to things I shouldn't be thinking. I thought I've learned how to enjoy my solitude for 19 years. Guess I didn't learn my best.
So I wish I could be more focused on myself. Because I hate being dependent. I hate having to think about things I shouldn't be thinking, things that don't matter that much but still take so much space in my mind. I wish I were busier, so I couldn't stop and look around. To kill my self-dependency, to never lean on anybody.
Because we're finite.
And I want to be freed from all these haunting images that keep bugging me.