November 14, 2016

This isn't a love letter



Life never stops giving you surprises.

First of all, I don't usually write this off on the internet especially if it's a bad news. But anyway, I don't really like talking to people about my problem 'directly' because they don't listen to me. They tend to talk back and give me advice instead which I don't really need because at this time... being listened to is all I need.

I'm sorry, for letting you know.

The past few days have been... tough. I get tired. And the worse part is, nothing I can do can take it away. I sleep with a frown plastered on my forehead, and wake up the next morning with an empty feeling. But life awaits me so I just put a smile and pretend as if nothing bad happens to me. When in fact, I'm not okay at all. But you know, it's better to keep everything to yourself rather than telling people about your problem and explaining to them the one thing that hurts you the most. And that's what I do. I keep it myself. But at least now I'm writing about it here so it should count that I do talk to people. Just not directly.

Things went ugly between me and my boyfriend. And...

My god, I didn't know how to explain it...

It's as if all those broken heart stories I've written for my fictions suddenly come true. And it all happens to me, to us. Even until now, I'm still hoping that this is just a bad dream, and I'd wake up and call him and he'd still be laughing on the other line of the phone, throwing something like "What are you talking about?", "Ssshh, there's no way we would break up", and I'd cry and smiled because he was still there. He was still with me.

Relationship is a story shared between two people. And I'm just so pissed off when my partner takes all the decision himself without even concerned about what I should say. And suddenly reality is not that beautiful anymore because what's worse than having someone you thought would stay for you suddenly telling that you're just not good enough for him? It hurts me, knowing that I have failed my first relationship with the same old reason all my crushes told me years ago. It pisses me off that no matter what I do, people still leave me. And it pains me knowing that those people always end up being what they said they'd never be...

I wish I could say this to him, but he'd get mad and hate me even more.

Again and again... I get chained from saying out loud what I feel. Just because they think what I say will never change their mind, but sometimes, I have to get my point across.

Please choose someone else to hurt. Don't choose me.

I'm just a girl, who will never leave anyone's side. Because I've been left out by many people. Because I know how it feels to be not good enough for someone else, to be disappointed by empty promises. But most of the problem is, when they ask me to change for the better, they never stay long enough to see how much I've changed. I don't mind being told what to do. After all, we all have to be better.

Communication.

You told me to speak more, to never stay silent. But I always get yelled at for opening my mouth. I thought when one of us had a problem with something, we'd talk it out. But why... why did you take all the decision yourself..?

Life will never stops giving you surprises.

It's sad to know there's nothing I can do to make him stay.

Even when we 'loved' each other, it's even worse knowing his love couldn't keep him on the ground with me. Words are just words. He said one thing and the next day he scrapped it out of his dictionary.

"I'd never leave you unless you ask for it."
"We'll figure it out together."
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Why would I leave you?"
"I know you. I've learned about you from your previous love encounter. I was there, remember? And I know I can handle you."
"I can never ask for more than this. You're more than enough."

.....

"I need some time alone."

.....

Only prayers can save us. That's one thing for sure.
But I'll wait. I'll wait for you.
Just so you know, there are people like me.
There are people who will stick true to their words.
There are people who mean what they say.
Because I want you in my life.
I'm planning so.
...remember...?

I told you from the beginning I'm such a mess. And the only thing I'm good at is that I'll never leave your side. Other than that, I will yell at you, probably make you regret your choice of partner, and destroy you. Because that's what I do.

I destroy the people I love.

This isn't a love letter.
This isn't my way of winning you back.
This is my way of surviving.

October 25, 2016

Kopi Ketjil


Some of you guys have probably known that I love coffee. I really love coffee to the point that my brain hardly works best without consuming a cup of coffee beforehand. Although I was warned by my doctor not to consume caffeine anymore because of my health, I just can't hold myself not to drink coffee :( Sometimes it's hard when you're too used drinking it before you start everything and all of a sudden you have to stop. It's like a personal drug to me.

Wait, did I just say Edward Cullen's line?

Anyway, I love coffee, and that's the end of story. But I feel ashamed because I don't know much about coffee despite holding high that title proudly that I'm a coffee junkie. I don't really like coffee that are sold at modern coffee shop like Starbucks even when my body can only tolerate so much with strong ones like espresso (God forbid I ever drink that 'poison'). I usually drink coffee with milk, such as latte, cappuccino, or cafe mocha. The combination is friendly enough for me to take and thus they're like the only product of coffee I always order in a coffee shop. But yesterday when I visited one of my friend's coffee shop called Kopi Ketjil with two of my friends from the art group, I had the chance to witness how original coffee is made. It's fun to watch! Those little coffee brewer and silver machine picks my interest and soon I wish I could have a part time job as a barista just like my friend here :D Although boyfie said I was better off the kitchen but I love to try new things. The place and the ambiance itself was very soothing and calming, not much chattering and for a coffee lover like me, this is a nice place for you to escape for your routines for a moment. Here are some photos I managed to snap at the coffee shop. The place isn't too spacious and it can probably fit for less than 10 people inside but still, definitely an Instagram-worthy place to visit :p Enjoy!


It was a very fun visit and I'm looking forward to explore more places like this! :D Thank you for reading and I hope you guys have a nice day, yay! Bisous chaton!

October 19, 2016

Gumuk Pasir


Good evening, people! It's 9.13 PM here now and I just finished my paper that's due tomorrow. As usual, I would turn my laptop on, open the document file, stare at it for a brief few minutes before I open my browser and start scrolling through tumblr or reading blogs, ha! Uni life has been really, really busy. I have to manage my time very well to make sure I catch up on everything. I barely have enough time to check up on the blog and see updates from my daily reads. This post itself has been lying in my draft for a few weeks now and I never had the time to actually finish writing about it. I'm getting tired of writing the same excuse over and over again everytime I'm about to post something on the blog. But I hope you guys will understand that my life is really that busy >,< Whether I'm busy doing things with my art group, travelling here and there with my friends, or I'm too backed up with exams and tasks that are piling up every week. This is a very late post about my last trip with my friends to Gumuk Pasir Parangkusumo. It's exactly next to Parangtritis Beach and such a weird thing that I've went to Parangtritis a lot of time yet I've never been to Gumuk Pasir. I've seen interesting photos from people on Instagram spending their time there, so you can imagine how excited I was to finally be able to visit it! Even though at first we thought we wouldn't be able to have fun because the weather wasn't very friendly, it was raining lightly on the way to Gumuk Pasir. But still, we took a lot of pictures there. Too bad we didn't manage to try the sandboarding, it would be totally fun!



Thank you for reading and see you guys on the next post! xo

October 06, 2016

Gembira Loka


Despite being in my early twenties, I still love going to the zoo. I mean, who doesn't?? You get to see a lot of animals there, maybe also the exotic ones? My recent visit to Gembira Loka was also my first one ever being there even though I've lived in Jogja for more than two years now. Like I said in many of my previous posts, my kind of date is to discover new places and take as many pictures as I can! This time though, I decided to tag along my other girl friends because they didn't have anything to do. Aren't I such a good friend? ;) And as usual, photos are gonna be loads, most of them are taken by my quick-learner boyfriend, yay!


Since I was kid, I was introduced to living with many pets by my parents. Fishes, hamsters, cats, birds, you name it. It led me to thinking that later when I grow up, I wanted to be a veterinarian. But just thinking about it made me laugh. Anyway, even though now I'm not majoring in vet at all, and there's no chance for me to work as one, my love towards the animal remains the same. I have two cats at home, and they're just normal stray cats that happen to stop by at our house. My family never buys cats. We just pick them from the street and feed them. Now that I'm more aware to all this animal-ish thingy, I spread my knowledge by searching more about animal conservation. My favorite one to look at is definitely Big Cats Rescue. I just discovered them recently but already I've watched all of their videos. Since I'm a law student, I'm thinking if I could probably pursue my old dream of working with the animals. Only this time I want to stand for them :)

Beautiful creatures!

My travel buddy slash photographer!

Nice hair day is nice :3

You go little birdie!

SCREAMS INTERNALLY. I WANNA TAKE IT HOME BUT I CAN'T.


Well, you've reached the end of the post again! Thank you for reading and I know this post shows a lot me in a very childish scene lmao. I just love animals! See you on the next post! xoxo