September 21, 2017

I lost the moon while counting the stars

I've been trying to write this post down for the last couple of hours and I still can't come up with anything that satisfies my feelings. But here I am, giving it a go for the nth time just because I don't know what else I can do to release this void that's starting to eat me alive from the inside.

The last couple of days have been a complete hell for me.

I'm not a person who's good at hiding my true feelings, so this will come off as a blunt confession. But I doubt anyone will ever read this blog anyway so I've got nothing to lose. I've spent the last one year trying to move on from my ex. Because despite everything, it seemed like I hadn't really been able to let go of my old memories with him. And it was strangling me, choking me to death until I became breathless. I'm a masochist. I like to hurt myself emotionally because I thought the pain will only make me stronger if I could get used to it. But I've been in pain for a year and still I'm not getting any better. So I cry, to release the pain, because it's too much to hold on. And there would be this guy who would wipe away all my tears without me asking, because he says he hates it to see me cry for some ungrateful boys.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

I believe in karma; of what goes around, comes around. What I don't know, is how we're all gonna get it. Because you don't see it coming, you just know when it finally does. And in my case, karma hit me right in the face. The guy had liked me back in the days during our first year. But not even once I turned my head on him, because I had no feelings for him, no matter how hard I tried to love him with all my might. The feelings were just... not there. And so I came across many boys but still he had his eyes fixated on me for all year long. But I just couldn't force myself.

Fast forward to now, we swap place. I'm slowly falling for him when he's falling for another girl. And this is karma at its best. Because I understand now how it feels to be him back then. To crave attention from the person you love who doesn't love you back, who instead, gives the attention to another person who doesn't need it. And it hurts, it hurts so bad. It hurts me even more because I know even the fact that he used to love me doesn't mean that he's going to love me again the second time after I ditched him in the past. But this feeling is real, and I'm not bluffing.

But tonight I realized, I lost my moon while I'm busy chasing the dimly lit stars.

He has always been my moon, he would light up my way when it gets dark, when it gets cold and I can't find a way out. He never changes a shade. He has always been like that, a bit bumpy in the outside and pale. Far, but close enough to watch over me. Beautiful in every shape of its phase. Caring and loving and has always been true to himself. He's not afraid to show that he's the moon.

What started off as a simple mission; he has to be happy, turns to be a lifetime promise that I want to keep him happy for as long as I can. To get him what he wants and what he needs. Even when I can't be a part of his happiness, because he no longer chooses me.

But that's okay.

Because afterall, I deserve this.

I just hope that one day he will find the right woman to help him shine even brighter that the universe would be jealous of.

September 08, 2017

What waits on the end of the day

Few weeks ago I went to Sindu Kusuma Edu Park for the first time ever with my friends. It was just a random idea by Anna to visit SKEP since we had one day off before school started. Our main goal was to catch the golden hour. You guys know how much I love sunsets instead of sunrises, no? The golden hour is one of the reason why. I gotta say though, I hate how pricey the entrance fee is. The park feels more like a dead park that's left by people during zombie apocalypse. There weren't many people there which was a plus point for us because then, we could explore the park like we owned it. You still have to pay everytime you want to go for a ride on the attraction, which comes to my final decision not to recommend you to go photo hunting in SKEP.

All of the photos above were mostly taken by Anna herself. I feel like my skill has been going off lately, maybe it has something to do with my eyes because I'm suffering cylinder on my left eye and it's always hard for me to take photos because I can't focus. I don't even use the viewfinder like most people because it's even harder to shoot with one eye closed. So I don't take credits on these photos at all.

September 05, 2017

Morning breeze

Okay so they're not real. The colors, I mean. The sky was blue but when I was editing them in Photoshop, I tried to add violet hues and they turned out beautiful. There's no way a morning sky would look this violet. Oh and by the way, I know I haven't updated the blog in such a long time. I didn't even get to post my August playlist because of school :( I'm such a bad blogger... I don't even have time to reply clients' emails on time, everything is just in a mess now because I can't seem to find the right time to actually enjoy me-time! School demands all of my free time ugh. This post has been lying around in my draft for a few weeks now. Me and my friends went to Ketep for a short trip on Indonesia's independence day. We thought it was a nice idea to celebrate it on a high land.

Here are two bonus pictures of me in its true colors. I don't have much to say for now, I'm supposed to sleep because I have 7 AM class tomorrow and my body hurts from activities on campus. I'll post something in the near future, promise!

August 17, 2017

Thorn in the flesh

Ruby dress, Zalora platforms

I'm sorry that I've been going MIA for the past few weeks because I'm still adjusting to going back to campus for my hopefully last year of university. However I managed to have some fun with my friends during the orientation days to dress up in bohemian to welcome the new students, it's one of the many things that we, law students do, when we're not studying. Despite the oh-so-very annoying appearance of my ex and his girlfriend (um, ew? lol) which kinda surprised the rest of us because nobody really wanted them there but hey, there's a reason why pests are called pests *shrugs*. Anyway, once the theme was announced, I couldn't really think of anything bohemian aside from sabrina tops, flare pants, tapestry garments tied around the waist, or anything that screams Coachella. But since this is to be worn inside the campus area, I don't think wearing something that flaunts the skin too much is allowed... Remember that less is always more. And since I didn't have anything to wear, either because I wanted to wear something that my friends have never seen before, or because I had no bohemian-themed clothes at all, me and my friends rushed to this store called Rubylicious in Kotabaru to grab some new clothes (+ chokker for me and Dio, ha!). All of their clothes are really affordable and cute and in great quality too! I spent around 100k only for the dress + the chokker.

Anyway I've been thinking lately, about how I think that I always stand on the right side of the community. I mean, I'm never alone, I'm always with the more positive side with the right people, I'm never in the side of community where we beg people to talk behind our back (even though I realize there ARE people like that but at least the amount of people are not the same compared to the wrong side of the community). Everytime I look at my ex walking by with his girlfriend, I'm so glad. Because turns out, everyone, literally, e v e r y o n e is talking about how disgusting they are, both as an individual or as a couple. I never intend to make people to take sides but when they ask me and hear my story, they start taking sides naturally. And I'm friends with my ex's girlfriend's friends, and everytime we hang out together, they're always talking about my ex and his girlfriend, of how horribly disgusting they could be and how no one actually wants them here. And at that time, I feel somewhat relieved. I know I shouldn't, but it feels so good knowing that I'm not the only one who sees the negative in them. What's even worse is when I know that this friend puts fake masks in front of my ex's girlfriend to act nice and all when I know the truth that behind it, she's shitting about her. But that's not my problem. I feel bad, for being the thorn in the flesh. But I can't help but to feel satisfied when I see her alone, not knowing what to do because apparently, no one wants to be friend her. Well, who wants to have a friend like her?

Okay, enough the talk of me being the supervillain that I've always been, I just need to let the thought out. School has just started last Monday which is why I haven't been able to post anything even when I have a lot of materials to be posted. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this Sunday because duh, Prambanan Jazz, anyone??? Whoop whoop! So excited to be able to watch Kahitna and Yovie & Nuno on stage, live! Well, gotta go back watching more Masterchef season now. Talk to you soon! xx

August 02, 2017

Bandung log

Oh my god, is it August already? Time does fly fast! Tomorrow I'll be going back to Jogja to start my (hopefully) last round of my university life. I'm so stoked because I still have little projects here and there to accompany me and myself while finishing study because, well, single lady here everyone! If only I still had a boyfriend back in Jogja, I could probably do something productive. But hey, I've got a list of fun activities for the rest of the year and I'm looking forward to it!

So since I'm getting back soon, my family decided to take a holiday last weekend to Bandung. It was on my request because I have a friend named Ranji who has shown me a lot of Bandung's beauty through his Insta story and I just feel like visiting the city. I haven't visited the city of Bandung itself for years now. Last year I did visit Lembang though but it's different. Too bad I couldn't see Ranji in person myself because I'm dying to! He's a been a very helpful friend slash tour guide :p I would like to thank Grand Tjokro for taking care my family for the staying, it was a very warm welcome and we had so much fun staying there. 10/10 would definitely stay at Grand Tjokro again! Psst, my mom love the buffet menu, lol. Too bad I couldn't take a lot of pictures of the room we stayed in because I was too exhausted once we reached the hotel and my family just scrambled here and there too so it wouldn't look so nice, would it?

If you guys follow my Instagram or Snapchat, you'd probably notice the new presence of my new friend, Poyo! I was walking in Cihampelas when I passed by Istana Boneka and this cute baby was stacked like a pyramid on the front door! It was love at first sight, and I quickly went into the shop and took one home and named him Poyo because he reminds me so much of Poyo the round cat (that anime, you know?). I took a picture of it and showed it to my ex because we love Poyo and I thought he still loved round things too but he didn't sound so impressed so yeah, poor him. Amazing how break up can show you true colors of a person.

As much as I love travelling to places, I'm not one who seeks local foods with high demand. I mean, tourists like me would go crazy on finding local foods and try each one of them. But for me, it's always visiting places with breath-taking and picturesque view because the biggest reason for me to travel is to take a lot of beautiful photos, including my own photos lol. Narcissism alert! I'm just being the millenials that I am :p One of the many places Ranji recommended me to go, I decided to choose Lawangwangi as my first destination because when I looked up the place on Google, it looked nice. It kinda reminds me with the upper part of Kaliurang back in Jogja, you know the kind of view where you get to overlook the city from up above and the city light glimmers in the horizon. The place totally screams my name, I can tell. But it took almost an hour from the city center all the way up to the upper part of Dago where Lawangwangi is.

Lawangwangi itself is an uphill restaurant-cafe and also an art space. I must warn you about their way too overpriced food and beverages tho. I love foods, I review them every so often in this blog and I'm sensitive about it. I was surprised that with such high mark-ups like that, even the foods don't taste well. They totally need an improvement because I ordered something that says grilled chicken steak, but the chicken was so thin and white like it's been boiled, it was dry, and it was hella bland. It comes with a handful fries and a thankfully delicious olive oil salad but still, the price I had to pay for my food was just ridiculous. I think they just win people over with their breath-taking view.

If you're lucky, a small exhibition will accompany your visit

Second day in Bandung, ready to seized the day

When I visit Bandung, the first thing that comes to my mind is to take a photo here in the famous tunnel in Jalan Asia Afrika. I've seen gazillions of it scattered in Instagram and I just have to take one too! Sounds silly but hey, that's what tourists do! It was really a struggle tho, because it's a damn tunnel, vehicles passed by every second and I only had my dad around to take my photos and he just doesn't really understand how to operate my camera well so this was try number xxx after the so many failed outcome lol. And the wind didn't help either, I was struggling to keep my hair pretty.

Tourists gather around in Jalan Asia Afrika because that's where all the good stuffs are. Like this one wall art located not so far from the tunnel. I just had to take a photo in here too because the drawing reminds me with my faculty's art group.

The main course of my short getaway has to be this; Kawah Putih. I've never been to Kawah Putih before and I didn't know where it was or how it looked like at first until my father took us all there and oh my god, I was lost for words. It was so beautiful, so mesmerizing, very indescribable. It was very cold there though and I was wearing a mini dress with no sleeves which I covered with only one layer of cardigan so you can guess it right that I was freezing to death. Took us two hours from the city center because the place is quite high in the hill. Again, gotta warn you with the ridiculous amount of money you have to spare if you bring your car with you, because they're gonna charge you for IDR 150K. And don't forget to wear warm clothes!

I originally wanted to make a vlog out of this holiday, I even had it started on our way to Bandung but had to cancel it anyway because I lost the motivation to make one in the middle of the way lol. Besides, it's not that fun if I recall, though I get to visit some places I've never been to in Bandung but it was very tiring and well, tiring. But that's how holiday supposed to be, right? Always with its ups and downs. I'm just glad that I could spend some time with my family before I return to Jogja tomorrow. And possibly meet this Bandung guy that I've been dying to see because he's in Jogja now lol. Next time I post a new post, I'll be in Jogja!