Before I go blabbering words into this post, let me say it first; Happy Ied Al-fitr everyone! I know it's way too late because it's been two weeks since the celebration but hey, better late than never, right? Anyway, I don't know how many times I keep using the chance in every beginning of every post I write to apologize first because I keep neglecting the blog. Well, I always come up with good excuses fortunately, teehee. If you befriend me on LINE, some weeks ago I posted a status saying that I was going back and forth between Jogja and Bekasi. I don't even count anymore. The first week of celebrating eid, I went to many places with my family and I stayed in my own home, not the guest house. And there was no internet connection there so even though I brought my laptop with me, I couldn't update anything. And then after eid, I went back to Bekasi with my family. This time I left all my gadgets back in the guest house because I was going to spend just another one week so why bother bringing them all? Thus even though I got wifi but since I didn't bring my laptop with me, I couldn't update the blog. But now that I'm finally back (again, for the umpteenth time) in my lovely guest house, I can do more updates, yay! College will start again on 24th August but I just had to get back here early because I become one of the staffs for the orientation days for freshmen. I don't really like long holidays because I don't know what to do.

Another version on how I rock the kimono - photo taken at IKEA Indonesia

Have you ever thought the life you're living right now isn't the life that you've always wanted?

Or, or have you ever felt like you're taking the wrong steps in your life?

Because I am feeling it right now. I feel like I didn't make the right choice. I don't like making choices. I think too much when I have to choose about what I'm going to do in my life. I'm never ready with the consequences that follow. You know, I have always known as one of the brightest student in high school. I made lots of achievements inside and outside the school. I have the coolest friends because they have the brightest academic records. The teachers know me and are very supportive with me because I have always been the good student. I had some subjects that I used to hate, but still had to get good score at it because school was like that. Otherwise my parents would ban me from doing extracurricular activity or spazzing over Korean boybands or going to concerts and even doing my hobbies, like writing and drawing comics. So I had to get good score on the least subject I liked. The thing is, I did great. Even though I hated the process because I didn't like the subject, I still managed to go through it all because I simply had to.

Fast forward to one year later, I'm in university now, living my life as law-majored student. And turns out there are just so many things I don't like here. I mean the subject I'm studying. Then why did I choose law as my major? I wanted to see if I could make my childhood dream came true. Because of this dream of studying law, my life has always been in control. The steps I took all the way before university, all of them were only so I could get into this major. Of course I have a plan once I graduate; to be an ambassador. But I grow up and find that my passion truly revolves around art. I love being a performer. I love dancing, I love playing theater, I love working with artsy people. My life in college is far from the typical law school student. I can't even see myself being one of those students who come up to join the debate competition held each year. Years ago, maybe I could. But now? I feel like I'm an outcast.

I'm having a hard time studying something that I just realized I had so little passion on. I can't turn back time and applying to another university is out of my choice because I ain't gonna spend another year becoming a freshman. Not when I have parents who demand me to quickly finish my education so I can get a decent job. So the only choice left is to cope up with all this mess I've pulled myself in and graduate as fast as I can. Still, I can't seem to find the right studying method. My grades aren't amazing. And most of the time I get Cs on every subjects. Bs if I worked myself harder and with the help of luck, A. But that's very rare. Whoever says studying law in Indonesia is an easy thing, pretty sure they don't know what it feels like to be one.

I am so tired of picturing how different my life would be if I took a different path.

Would it be beautiful?

Would I be happy?

I always have a thing for English movies because just like any other people out there, I fall in love with their accent. Though there are times I don't understand what they're saying in the movies and that I still need subtitles (in English, of course) to fully understand the movie, but I have learned to listen carefully and enjoy the movie better. So you can tell how excited I am when I know the setting in this movie took place in England. I totally hypnotized by Benedict Cumberbatch's acting. He can pull off the image of Alan Turing really well. In the end of the movie, he makes me cry a river when he says he doesn't want to be lonely and that he prefers to take the hormonal therapy than be imprisoned for two years and be separated from Christopher, the machine he made to break Enigma's code. I'm so glad this movie doesn't turn its objectives into a romance movie. It sticks to its original plot.

After two weeks of final exams, it has finally come to an end today! That means I'll be able to pack my stuffs and go back home to Jakarta, yeay! :D I wasn't planning to go home but since all the people I know are going home, there's no point for me to stay any longer in Jogja. I don't really have any problem with not going back home because honestly I hate the eight hours travelling by train and not being able to do anything rather than just sitting and staring blankly outside the train. Also, rather than using my holiday time to stay back in Jakarta, I want to spend it to travel somewhere else. But that's almost impossible because we're in the middle of fasting month now and going places will surely make everything more difficult, ha!

Anyway, I think going back home becomes my only choice this time. Things have been happening here and I feel like I can't take it anymore. I need to get out of this city, or get away from a certain person. This has become my ritual whenever I feel so sad and need time to be alone, I'll go back home to my parents for a few days before returning back to Jogja. This place has becomes my home for the past one year, but you know that feeling when you really have to go away to calm your mind regardless the time and place? Yeah, that's what I've been feeling. Too bad that the distance is just too much so I can hardly go home as I pleased. For now, the best option for me is to go back home.

So there's this boy that I've known ever since I started getting into college. He's in my circle of friends and together with my other friends, we often go out and play together. I never laid my eyes on him or had any interest before but recently, we've grown closer than ever. And by 'closer' I mean we've been doing things we're not supposed to do like holding hands and hugging and cuddling and throwing secret codes like madly in love couple. Which is really terrible because this boy has a girlfriend already. And that's certainly not me. Now that we seem to drift apart (which I don't know why), I'm starting to think that I'm just an option for him when he's bored. I really feel like throwing tantrum at him for treating me like this; waltzing into my life and gives me the affection I never had, and then suddenly he walks out of my life and go on with another girl. But then again, I can't blame him, no matter how much I really wanna do that. Because I was the one who let him do this, who gave him the chance to hurt me. I knew this would happen, but still I let him. I can't do anything but to let this anger and sadness to burn until the fire is off by itself.

So pathetic.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of update these past few days. As you know, final exam does take so much of my time. But I guess I'm just too lazy to snap photos hahaha. I try not to get too exhausted when the exam still took place so I went to sleep straight after I got home from college. That's probably why I don't take outfit photos during the last two weeks because I was saving the energy I needed to study. But I have planned some new updates for you so I hope that will pay off my blog absence! Until then, happy holiday for my friends! xo

It's been awhile since the last time I went to the cinema to watch new movies with my friends. Hectic college life is hectic and there's nothing you can do about it. But that's okay. I don't have that much money to spend anyway lmao. But this was different. I just finished having International Law exam that day when I told Eri I wanted to watch a movie. He quickly agreed and we drove to Ambarukmo Plaza to book the ticket. Too bad that since there were too many new movies that just got in, the cinema's queue was too long. And I guess we're too basic to stand in-line for who knows how long just to buy a ticket. So when Eri suddenly bumped into his friend who watched at The Premiere, we decided to be a little naive and spent a large amount of money just to watch a movie.

The movie itself was so amazing. I couldn't stop biting my nails out of habit because each scene that happened gave me goosebumps! You could feel the panic and worry when the Indominus Rex is starting to show its teeth. I even cried a lot in the cinema whenever there was a Brontosaurus died because of Indominus Rex's uncontrollable hunger. The special effect and everything was great! Me and Eri agreed that this was the best Jurassic movie so far. I guess the story plot this time combines the ideas from the previous movies. A little bloopers; the raptors will be your very good friend this time, you'll probably love them afterwards.

So yeah, if you haven't watched the movie, you might wanna do that this weekend with your friends or even family? It's not really that scary. But I believe you don't wanna miss out the amazing special effect! :D Gotta give it 9/10!